@rebelkay_ Y'all just don't know the half. I'm just tryna turn these tests into testimonies, okay? 🙌🏾 #entrepreneur #entrepreneurtok #grief #fyp #rebelkay_ ♬ original sound - Kay Tachell
So I've been an entrepreneur since 2013, right? (Legally since 2016, when I got our LLC.) February of 2023, Rebellious1s will be turning 10! My business is literally as old as my oldest son, lol! Through all of these years, I've been learning & growing as much as I can. As a business owner, I've a lot of ups and downs and I'm STILL learning & growing as we speak! That's the name of the game. Learning & growing. But what do you do when your business seems on the up & up and tragedy suddenly strikes?
The Quiet Before The Storm
When the pandemic hit, my bae decided to be the one to work full-time while I take care of the home front and focus on the business. By December, 2021, my Etsy shop was BOOMING and I was cranking out orders left and right. Then exactly a week after my 32nd birthday, my nephew was killed. He just turned 18 four months prior. Naturally, this threw me for a loop. Not to mention this occurred on my youngest brother's 28th birthday. Even though I was grieving and going through it, I still managed to press on as best I could. When things happen, I find a way to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of things. I'm not sure if that's the healthy way of going about things, but it was working for me...for a time.
I Will Survive...?
See, though I was trying to keep on keeping on, my business was reflecting how I was feeling, for real. I'm usually a stickler for being disciplined when it came to my brand. Even though I put on the game face for my customers & the world, I really felt HORRIBLE! It reflected in my business practices AND my pockets. That holiday season, about a good 85% of my orders were late getting out. I had to pay HELLA money for express shipping, which caused me to owe Etsy $400+. I was stressed, not much of a joy to be around as I usually am. I was sad and crying a lot, but I did what needed to be done! (In my Law Roach voice)
So boom: Despite the sadness & tears, I (kinda) got through that, right? You would think I would've set up a plan or something to cover these types of situations because let's face it: death is a part of the life cycle. But I didn't 🤦🏾♀️ Then at the beginning of July, 2022, tragedy struck again; one of my brothers committed suicide while incarcerated at The St. Louis Justice Center -- the day after our oldest sister turned 40. The facility doesn't even have answers; we have yet to receive any official reports....With that, I just wanted to disappear. To just be alone with my thoughts and just shut the world out. I hadn't bothered with my website for months, and as an entrepreneur, you really don't have the luxury of doing that. Especially when you don't have all the help and proper systems you need that will allow you to do such.
What I've Learned
Soooo, I say all that to say that I'm walking through the shadows with some lessons learned. I'm usually a hermit, but I hope that sharing these tips with you all will hopefully help someone out there who may be going through something similar. Being an entrepreneur isn't easy. But we took the road less traveled because we understood that the payoff would be SO worth the journey. It gets hard. It gets lonely sometimes. The people we love won't always understand why we chose this path. Some people will fall away from us. We may question why we chose to do all this in the first place....but we have to keep going. Here's a little list I've compiled using my experiences (and a little research), to maybe help you navigate through that rough patch in your entrepreneurship journey.
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF
I can't speak for anyone else, but I get on my own nerves sometimes 😅 I'm so used to always moving and grooving, that when it comes time for me to actually sit down, it's hard for me. With everything that was going on, I felt like I needed to keep busy to keep my mind off of things. That works for a spell, but grief literally comes in waves. There's days where I'm ready to take on the world; then there's others where I don't even feel like getting out of the bed. No matter how the wind blows, you have to process your feelings as they come. A mantra I've been trying to implement is this: Feel the feels, but don't dwell in them. It's cliche, I know, but taking things over day at a time is really all I could/can do. Give yourself grace. You deserve it!
COMMUNICATE
When running a business, whether you're just starting or you've got skin in the game, communication is key! If you need to take a little time to step away, make sure your customers know. Its SOOOO important to have SOME kind of system in place to where you can at least be a little less hands on with business. Set up automated messages on your website/socials explaining what's going on in your business and redirect where they can send any questions or concerns. I guarantee your customers will understand. Everybody needs a break, even the hardest of workers 😉
TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME
There will be days where you feel like you're on top of the world; like you can conquer anything! Then there's other days where you just want to stay in bed & cry under the covers. Days where you're going about your day then a thought crosses your mind that makes you double over in laughter--or have you bawling your eyes out. Either way, you have to take things one day at a time. One thing that helps me to clear my mind is writing. I actually got this technique from Dreka Gates, so shout-out to you Dreka! Set a timer on your phone for 12 minutes and just pour out everything you're feeling. It doesn't have to be structured a certain way, just let it flow. Whatever that yucky feeling is though, process it & move on. And DEFINITELY don't carry it into the next day!
Shoot, the reason I'm even writing this blog is to help me get through my thoughts & feelings. In the process, I'll hopefully help someone through theirs.
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
This kind of ties in with the "one day at a time" rule. As I just stated, there are days where I feel I can do anything. Then other days, I feel like complete poo. Then there's other days where I'm cool most of the day, then I find myself randomly crying off of a memory 😅 It happens, and its normal! But as I said, feel what you're feeling, but don't dwell in it! Staying stuck in that feeling will only get you to feeling worse then next thing you know, you're planted in your room, haven't showered for days, eating ice cream in bed & binging comedy specials to keep from crying your eyes out...just an example 🙃
SEEK (AND ACCEPT) SUPPORT
Me personally, I'm so not used to sharing how I feel, its ridiculous. I'll literally suffer in silence to keep people from holding things over my head or to avoid ridicule. This is something I've developed from being stifled as a child; you know, the "Kids are to be seen & not heard" mantra? Then not really having the space to share how I feel without being ridiculed as a teen has kind of left me in this "forget it, I'll figure it out" state of mind. Needless to say, its not healthy and it took me journeying into my 30s to realize it. I'm setting up therapy sessions again soon. I'm getting back into journaling. And I'm opening myself to accepting help. I've been Ms. Independent for so long, I seem to have forgotten what kind gestures looked like.
In closing, I know this blog post was kind of lengthy, but no matter what goes on in your universe, the world still turns. I'm not saying to suck it up and get over it, no! That's insensitive and the truth is, I don't think one could ever simply "get over" the loss of a loved one. It hurts. It sucks. Its heavy on the heart. In a lot of cases, it can stir up old family dramas & a lot of "temporary/fake" love. Hell, ITS A LOT! But something that I've had to learn & put into practice is to not let yourself die with the people/things we've lost. We're still here. Alive, breathing, and blessed to see another day. So make it count.
In the words of the legendary Sam Rothstein (played by Robert DeNiro in "Casino"), "Any day above ground is a good day."